Writer’s Rant
June 25, 2025
Don’t Step on the Duck
They used to call it a funeral. Now they call it “A Celebration of Life.” It’s all about timing, I think. When someone passes and there is no funeral, but the family chooses instead to have a celebration remembering their loved one, sometime down the road, like weeks or even a month later, then I get it. We have had time to grieve and it’s appropriate that we remember our loved one as they were…alive. But to have a viewing at the funeral home and then a church service, all within a three day time period, I can’t fathom any kind of celebration. Granted, I understand the binary life we are celebrating; the past- finite and the future- infinite. But most of us are still grieving and it’s just too soon to celebrate.
In my previous life of immature thoughts and behavior, I would joke that “funerals” begin with “fun”. It was my sad attempt to lighten the mood, inappropriate to say the least. But as I matured and death became more real, having witnessed it more frequently, I took it more seriously and actually looked up it’s origin. I found that the word “funeral” originates from the Latin word “funus”, which encompasses various aspects of death, including the corpse, burial rites and the associated ceremonies.
It’s unintentional and perhaps a bit ironic that the word itself begins with “fun”, but sometimes, I think we take death too seriously; especially our own. When I die, I want everyone to have a good laugh. So whoever writes my obituary needs to include a joke or two. Or perhaps I should just write my own (and post-date it, somewhere around 2050.) Anyway, below is a sample of what should be written in my obit.
Jim loved a good joke. Here’s one:
Three women die and go to heaven. St. Peter is waiting at the gate and says: “Before I let you in, I have to caution you. There is only one rule. Do NOT step on the ducks. If you do, you will have to suffer the consequences.”
St. Peter opens the gate and the three women look inside. There are ducks everywhere, as far as they can see.
The first woman goes in and immediately steps on a duck. St Peter reappears accompanied by the ugliest man she has ever seen. St. Peter says, “because you stepped on a duck, you will have to spend eternity with this man.”
The second woman enters through the gate and tries very hard to avoid stepping on a duck. But alas, she steps on one. St. Peter reappears with the ugliest man she has ever seen and says, “for your punishment, you will have to spend eternity with this man.”
Finally the third woman enters through the gate. She is very careful not to step on a duck. Time passes and she has been very successful at following the rule, until one day St. Peter reappears. With him is the handsomest man she has ever seen. St. Peter leaves the man, who has now begun to cry. The woman approaches him and asks, “what’s wrong?” And the man says: ”I stepped on a duck.”
And that folks is how I want to be remembered.
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